Because I Love You

YES! Thank you! Amen! A conviction for all 3 men responsible for the death of Ahmaud Arbery is a victory and a tragedy. A victory for seeing black people as people whose lives matter, and a tragedy for the lives lost to murder and imprisonment. Healing can begin for Ahmaud's family and the families of the McMichaels and the Bryans. Amen! Ashé! We apologize Mr. Arbery for not seeing you in your fullness and potential when you were among the living. Most of us only saw you in your death. Let's open our eyes, so they are as beautiful as yours, and SEE EVERYONE. Amen! Ashé! https://www.cnn.com/us/live-news/ahmaud-arbery-killing-trial-verdict-watch-11-24-21/index.html

State Prosecutor Linda Dunikoski, CBS news photo As we prepare for the outcome of the case against the men responsible for killing 25-year old Ahmaud Arbery, I wonder what type of jury is present. Is it a jury of their peers that only reflects their deranged or misguided beliefs, or a jury of their peers that represents the best of humanity, the better parts of these three men, who communicate to the defendants what they did was wrong, and they could do better? The fact that Ahmaud fought back against his assailants has no bearing on their innocence for causing his death. A person being attacked is going to take action to defend themselves. Flight or fight is a natural instinctive response.  Were Ahmaud’s attackers trying to relive the days of white men harassing and killing a black person? (I worked with two women in Rochester who suffered from PTSD whenever they’re in the presence of white men in pickup trucks. They told me it was common practice for white men in pickup trucks to...

Lois Spotts, Tina, Grandma Rose, circa 1995 She was with me, Grandma Rose, my mother-in-law. She seemed sad. She was wearing her signature house dress with rope belt. Rose stood over me quietly pondering something, watching and observing like she did from time to time, studying us, her children, grandchildren, and daughters-in-law like me.   Rose always had a big heart. Although the words she spoke weren’t exactly “I love you,” they were laced with love, that is, they usually asked a lot of questions or told you what to do.   “Do you pack Roger’s bag when he travels?”   “What kind of food are you cooking for supper?”   “You’re gonna roll my hair for me tonight.”   “What’cha doing in the kitchen?”   “No, you can’t have the key to the freezer.”   “Don’t cut that cake until Sunday.” Many times, she would send us things we didn’t ask for but she knew we needed them before we did. “Now I bought this little sweater for Cannaday, I got it for $2.00, see. I wa...

I always dreamed of taking my family on a vacation like the ones my work colleagues talked about. Their stories about boating, fishing, hiking, and camping in the Adirondacks were fascinating to me. Growing up, my family didn’t take vacations like that. We visited relatives out of town and my dad took us kids fishing; catching night crawlers the night before and waking up at 4am to go fishing was exciting. However, I wanted my children to experience something more, a camping trip like my colleagues’ families. And so, my husband Roger and I saved our money, and in 1994 we rented a cottage in the Adirondacks for our young family, Cannaday (9yrs), Aaron (7yrs), and Ana (6yrs). I had never written a travel diary before. This was my first attempt to capture the special moments my life was too busy to savor. I wanted to have this travel diary for future remembrance when my life slowed down, if it ever did. Day 1 July 2 We left for the Adirondack Mountains at noon with borrowed fishing poles ...

When my son Cannaday began talking he was so cute. He was 15 months old when he said “book.”     The way he puckered his lips when he spoke was as if he was kissing the air. His voice was sweet, high pitched, and melodic. By the time he was 2 years old, his vocabulary increased but he had trouble pronouncing the “tr” sound. Words with “tr” sounds, Cannaday pronounced like an “f.” If we were in the park and he noticed a tree he would point from his stroller and say, “Fee. Fee Mommy, Fee,” and I’d gently reply, “Yes baby tree; that’s a tree.” If we were watching a train pass he’d shout, “Fain! Fain, Mommy, fain” and I’d say, “Yes baby train; that’s a train.” For Cannaday, recognizing an object he could say for the first time was super exciting, like finding the prize inside a cereal box. One day. I was pushing Cannaday in a shopping cart towards the checkout lanes in K-Mart. It was a week day afternoon but the store was crowded. Every lane had at least 5 people in line. ...

Submitted to D&C Opinion section as an Essay for online submission 11/18/21. A young woman was jogging early in the morning through a sleepy neighborhood, and a strange man began to chase her. Fearing for her life, she tried to run away but he caught her. She fought him, and she fought gallantly, scratching and punching him. The man underestimated the young woman’s strength, thinking she was an easy target, but he was wrong. The man became afraid and pulled out a gun. Fighting for her life, she tried to take his gun. He shot and killed her.  The man walked away from his planned attack with minor bruises and scratches. He showed his wounds to the authorities and explained how he feared for his life and had to shoot her. When asked, wasn’t that his plan all along, the man replied, “No, I only wanted to scare her.”  Didn't the woman have the right to defend herself, to fight for her life? What if the man wasn’t alone, what if there were three men chasing her? The young woman ...